It's late, my eyes are tired but my heart is heavy and I really want to blog...but could it possibly be the worst idea ever to write down my deepest darkest thoughts for the world wide web to see?
Truth is now it comes to it I don't know what to say.
I want to breathe, I want to feel free, I want to stand on a cliff and gaze out at the sea for hours on end, I want to lie in bed and curl up engulfed in a blanket that would act as a magical barrier protecting me from the world.
I want it to be accepted that sometimes that's just the way I feel. Don't tell me it's not true, or that it will all get better...just accept that in the here and now, this very moment that is how I feel and I'm not looking for a miracle cure or a clever solution...in fact I'm doing my very best to cling onto what I do have...hope, a tiny drop of hope which when I look at it closely is iridescent beautiful in sunlight and rainfall...and it's all mine, my drop of hope.
I want to not want anymore...I want to reach a place where it's nothing to do with what I want but what I can do, who I am and how that can help.
But for now I cannot escape the list of I wants.
...to be continued...
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