Mad mad world

Ok.
So I haven't been able to blog. for a while because I've been away
from my computer but in the mean time some crazy crazy things have
happened including having swine flu, which is the most ridiculous
thing I have heard this year to be honest. I have to say though it
totally sucks, I'm four days into the onslaught of this pandemic
and I still feel like crap, granted I am no longer in delirious fever
but my head feels likes it's not stable on it's neck anymore, my nose
is constantly running and I feel like the only way to ease my sore
throat is to physically ram an ice lolly down there to sooth the pain.
Rant over I will blog. again when I can clear my head of pig related
illness.

Shakespeare...WORD!!!

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

'Wills "the Baird" Shakespeare'

I Knew It!!!

I knew that when I read back what I wrote last night I would think it a load of gumpf and I feel inclined to delete it but I won't, I don't see the point of an edited blog.

A bad time to blog?

It's late, my eyes are tired but my heart is heavy and I really want to blog...but could it possibly be the worst idea ever to write down my deepest darkest thoughts for the world wide web to see?
Truth is now it comes to it I don't know what to say.
I want to breathe, I want to feel free, I want to stand on a cliff and gaze out at the sea for hours on end, I want to lie in bed and curl up engulfed in a blanket that would act as a magical barrier protecting me from the world.
I want it to be accepted that sometimes that's just the way I feel. Don't tell me it's not true, or that it will all get better...just accept that in the here and now, this very moment that is how I feel and I'm not looking for a miracle cure or a clever solution...in fact I'm doing my very best to cling onto what I do have...hope, a tiny drop of hope which when I look at it closely is iridescent beautiful in sunlight and rainfall...and it's all mine, my drop of hope.
I want to not want anymore...I want to reach a place where it's nothing to do with what I want but what I can do, who I am and how that can help.
But for now I cannot escape the list of I wants.

...to be continued...

I freakin' love Tank Tops!!!

I cannot help it, they are a thing of beauty.
They give me a warm Christmassy feeling inside!
I freakin' love tank tops!!!

Sometimes

Sometimes...I want to sit in the dark and listen to incredibly sad music.
Sometimes...I cry...a lot!
Sometimes...I feel so happy I cannot help but walk around with a goofy smile on my face.
Sometimes...I want to be on my own, not because people annoy me, or anger me but just so I can breathe and remember that I am ALIVE not just living.
Sometimes...I wish I was someone else but it never lasts for long.

Always...I want to be courageous.
Always...I want to protect.
Always...there will be people I love without condition.
Always...I will try to be better.
Always...I want to be by the sea.

Never...will I tolerate people's prejudice of 'mental disorder'.
Never...do I want to be without Him.
Never...am I totally comfortable in front of a camera.
Never...will I truly tire of trying.
Never...will I disregard the power of the written word.

Sometimes...always...never... this is me.